My OKCupid Profile


My Self-Summary

Just like everyone else, I am a special snowflake.

Always assume I’m joking.

I am a bi-pedal paradox, a consistent contradiction.

I once made three different people do spit-takes in under a minute. For this I am proud.

I try to find the humor in everything, sometimes even when I shouldn’t.

I always get the bible and the Harry Potter series confused.

I think other people would (or do) describe me as intelligent, creative, funny, weird, unique and kind.

I find it hilarious that they named the fear of long words “hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia”. I’ve started a campaign to change “ophidiophobia” to “ophidiohmygodtheresafuckingsnakeonyou!”.

I love volunteering and doing what I can to move humanity forward.

I’m fascinated with words, their correct usage, origins, history and their changes over time, so I consider myself an amateur entomologist and a darn good one!  Incorrect word usage bugs me.

Old hobby: “Air quotes” in inappropriate places.
New hobby: Mispronouncing everyday words and, once corrected, claim I’ve only ever seen it in print.

I love writing and try to do it daily.

As with everyone I’ve ever met, I am a flawed being. This is why I’ve decided to not run for Jesus in the next election.

Firefly references tend to come out of my mouth when I get nervous.

I’m big on independent thought beyond the boundaries of labels.

When I was young I told my teachers I wanted to be a police dog when I grew up and refused to recant under duress.

I’m the kind of person to research useless things so I can say authoritatively that 1 Metric FuckTon = 2,204.62 FuckPounds or that there is a 99.9999908% chance you will never die in a bridge collapse. Yes, both are true and I did do the calculations myself.

I love calling myself an infomaniac for 2 reasons. One is that it is true. I am interested in just about everything and can’t get enough information. Also, half the time people think I am saying nymphomaniac and I can tell because they get really quiet and look at me strangely. I don’t correct them, just lick my lips and wink.

I ain’t not no undummy. (Full disclosure: Simpson’s quote. Only non-original thing on here)

If you have a problem with homosexual or transsexual people then I am not for you. If you believe in creationism, please go educate yourself.

I LOVE pizza. I’m TMNT obsessive about it.

A typing slip-up had me joining the Oregon Hysterical Society by mistake. I stayed because they got so worked up when I tried to quit, though, as it turns out I’m quite good at hysterics. We were voted Most Inconsolable for three consecutive years in the regionals. If we beat the Denver Distraughts at the national level, we will face the Overwrought Ontarians at the world finals. I don’t want to jinx anything, but I have a feeling we’ll be bringing home the Golden Valium trophy this year. Fingers crossed….

I kneel at the altar of Flow

I’m poor… like fourth world country poor. In Ethiopia, the parents actually say “Finish your grubs & gruel. There’s a man in Portland who’s starving!”. I have the skills and capability to earn a lot of money but just don’t have any right now. My vegan-free, non-organic, gluten-based, Portland restaurant went belly-up. I just did not see that one coming… If that bothers you, please move on. Also, I’m not looking for anyone to take care of me or pay my way.

Encore une fois, c’est sur​​, comme Donkey Kong

I’m actually much nicer, giving and romantic than one could ever infer from what I’ve written.

What I’m Doing With My Life
Volunteering, teaching computer classes
I’m Really Good At

Being myself. I will knock your socks on your ass with how much of myself I am.

I’m super-mega-awesome at humility.

The First Thing That People Usually Notice About Me
That I am a living, male humanoid.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food
[too long and boring to list on my blog]
The Six Things I Could Never Do Without

What I want to say: Love, Pizza, Books, Movies, Computers, Nature

The Truth: Love, Air, Water, Food, Shelter, Hope

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About
What to write about.
How to help the most people I can effectively.
My Crows For Charity program I want to start. (If you ask me about this be prepared for a 10 page response)
Fire safety.
On A Typical Friday Night I Am
At home
The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit

I was a glassblower and made dildos and butt plugs out of pyrex for a living. The best part… telling my mom I was blowing dicks for a living. The second best part… the business card I had made that said “Free installation with purchase”

I guess I’ll come clean with this one. When no one is around, I’m not above singing and acting out all the parts I can in this scene from Hello Dolly. I actually do really good vocals for this but the whole thing is just a vehicle so I can do the hand motions starting around 2:10

In the bible, when Jesus fell off the Hogwart’s astronomy tower, I cried.

DATE REVIEWS:
MssPrss1975: I would say that Greg is charming or humorous or attractive but I really don’t know. He showed up for our date completely trashed and proceeded to fight a bush by my front door. I had to call the police. On the bright side, I got a date with a cute Sergeant.

nardocaper: He was actually kind of cute and a funny guy. We were sitting down to eat a pizza when I went into the kitchen to go pour some wine for us. It only took me maybe a minute but when I got back the pizza was completely gone and he was sitting back rubbing his belly. Besides that it was a great date but that was just strange….. and rude.

GarboGal4: How to describe our date. Pathetic. That’s the first word that comes to mind. He got absolutely hysterical when I told him there was no way I would consider a second date with him. As it turns out, he’s quite good at hysterics and is the most inconsolable person I’ve met. Luckily, my neighbor is with animal control and we were able to shoot him with a tranquilizer gun. This sedated him enough so we were able to pry his fingers from my porch post and get him to finally leave.

4ng31A: Ok. So Greg invites me over to watch the last Harry Potter. He seems like a really cool guy so I had no problem going to his house. I felt safe with him. When we get there, he puts on The Passion of The Christ instead. Any time that Judas appeared on the screen, Greg became livid and kept calling him Malfoy.

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2 comments on “My OKCupid Profile

  1. You should definitely be snatched up already.

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