The Message to NOT Send On OKCupid


I just typed this long, well-thought out reply to you. The birds stopped chirping and the winds stopped blowing as God silenced all just for a chance the hear my fingers glide across the keys. It was as if they’d always typed that message to you and like the steps to a dance done daily it flowed beyond thought or intention and burst forth from me like pure emotion onto the screen. My feelings gestating in my soul were sequentially born upon the page and lined up like onyx armies ready to storm your heart. Woodland creatures, creatures I did not even know existed anywhere near Portland, gathered at my window. Though they did not know the words, they recognized the intent and realized something was happening that had never happened before…. possibly that could never happen again. My only pause, my only distraction was when I heard weeping and saw Michael the Archangel himself outside sobbing uncontrollably. He stood at least 12 feet tall and carried a flaming sword held high. His face was upturned and the tears were like rivers upon his face, azure in their reflection of this beautiful day. With a lightening fluid grace he deftly plunged the sword into the ground up to the guard, extinguishing it, and announced “This message always was and always has been though few have bent their ear to it’s whisperings. Thousands of years ago, it was inscribed on parchment in scarab’s blood and thousands of years before that was whispered on a riverbank under the stars. We did not think it would be captured again by you, our most curious creations. Eden is now back open to mankind. Your words to [name redacted] have redeemed all creatures in the eyes of God.”

Then I fucking accidentally deleted it. Off to kick things and string together cursewords in a nonsensical manner. I will write again once I’ve reached homeostasis. TWATWAFFLE!!!!

PS – This is pretty normal for an OKCupid message, right? I’m new at this.

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